I can't believe how long it's been since I posted!
I'm not sure why I feel compelled to put this out there, but here it is:
Since having my third (!?!) child I've really been thinking about/struggling with my role as a parent. To say this one wasn't planned would be an understatement. I was counting on more time to prepare for another baby after having numero deux, but when she was 9 months old I found out I had 9 months to get ready. Having a new baby is like becoming a parent for the first time all over again, but even more so when the one to one ratio is disrupted. The prospect was, honestly, completely terrifying. Tim and I are in school (with grad school in the cards for both of us) and our kids are under the age of four. It was one of those moments where I really "wrestled with the Lord." I prayed and basically said, "OK, Father, I will do this because you seem to think we're ready for it...but are you SURE?" By the end of that conversation I felt that this is not only the time when we are supposed to have all of our children, but for me to finish school as well. At the same time. Awesome.
I know plenty of people who are against the idea outright, thinking having children is something narcissistic or un-feminist. I respect their ideas and reasons, it's a personal choice, but I can say with confidence that starting a family is the absolutely least narcissistic thing I have ever done. Parenting takes sacrifice, humility, and an utter lack of pride you never thought possible. You realize every fault you have ever had as you parent and see those traits in these small, beautiful people. It makes you hope and pray to all that you find holy that they don't end up anything like you because you are an idiot and you work as hard as you can to make sure they are better than you in every way. And as a feminist, I can say that nothing is more empowering than creating a life and molding them. You want to talk equality with men-- who else creates life? God. Motherhood is a pretty big deal.
This definitely isn't how I planned on spending my early-to-mid twenties. I didn't even think I would be married by now. There are plenty of days when I want to scream, or hide in my room and ignore the hurricane of activity and impossibly loud screaming going on outside. But I wouldn't trade it for all of the free time and skinny jeans in the world. I never thought I could feel like I would explode with love and happiness while watching a short person do a goofy dance, or when they hold your hand. It isn't for the faint of heart, but like anything worthwhile it makes you better and stronger through the struggle. By no means am I perfect parent, or any sort of great example. I struggle every day to keep my head straight while trying to teach three whirlwinds how to be good, productive people.
I've been asked by so many people how I do it (school, kids, everything else.) Truly, I don't know. It's a daily process where I decide what is most important and take care of it. Gym or movie? Cleaning or homework? Playtime or paper writing? I've found through having less time I can get more done because I have learned to be more efficient, and I am so grateful for that. I think I get more done now than I did with one or two kids. Boiled down, when you know you're doing what you're supposed to do with your life you just make it work.
I realize I'm only four years in to my parenting journey, and as each difficult phase passes another starts, but if I have learned anything it's that I can do hard things. These kids are worth it.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Gaga Made Me Do It
Every kid seems to have the one person they blame things on. It could be a sibling, a friend, an imaginary friend...doesn't matter, as long as it isn't them. When I was a kid, that person was usually my sister Jill. With Anna it's Lady Gaga.
Yesterday my Little Monster was being just that. I had a rough day full of appointments and I wanted to relax while she played in the living room. It didn't work out that way. Anna, as many of you know, has a deep and abiding hate of lampshades. She will destroy any and all lampshades in her path, and the lamp they are attached to if needs be. We replaced our mangled table lamps with two tall floor lamps with thick glass shades. Tim broke one while trying to move it in to place the day we got it, but the other had miraculously stayed in tact for a couple of months. Until last night. Anna broke the lampshade after slamming the lamp against the wall. I talked to her about what she did, etc, and then told Tim what happened when he got home from work. We try to give her the chance to take responsibility for what she has done, so we ask her if she did something and why before she gets disciplined.
That conversation went a little something like this:
Tim: Anna, did you break the lampshade over there?
Anna: Um...
Tim: Anna, who did that?
Anna: ...Gaga. Lady Gaga.
Tim: Lady Gaga broke the lampshade? Are you sure you didn't do that?
Mary: (Stifling a snicker)
Anna: YES. Gaga.
Anna loves her Gaga, but she gets blamed for so much around here. I am convinced that Lady Gaga is her imaginary friend. She asks to color with her, says Gaga is in her crib, and now they break lampshades together. Life with an imaginative child is never dull.
In further news, I have resigned myself to the fact that I probably won't have lamps with lampshades on them for quite some time.
I can't wait to see what Anna and Lady Gaga try to get away with next...
Yesterday my Little Monster was being just that. I had a rough day full of appointments and I wanted to relax while she played in the living room. It didn't work out that way. Anna, as many of you know, has a deep and abiding hate of lampshades. She will destroy any and all lampshades in her path, and the lamp they are attached to if needs be. We replaced our mangled table lamps with two tall floor lamps with thick glass shades. Tim broke one while trying to move it in to place the day we got it, but the other had miraculously stayed in tact for a couple of months. Until last night. Anna broke the lampshade after slamming the lamp against the wall. I talked to her about what she did, etc, and then told Tim what happened when he got home from work. We try to give her the chance to take responsibility for what she has done, so we ask her if she did something and why before she gets disciplined.
That conversation went a little something like this:
Tim: Anna, did you break the lampshade over there?
Anna: Um...
Tim: Anna, who did that?
Anna: ...Gaga. Lady Gaga.
Tim: Lady Gaga broke the lampshade? Are you sure you didn't do that?
Mary: (Stifling a snicker)
Anna: YES. Gaga.
Anna loves her Gaga, but she gets blamed for so much around here. I am convinced that Lady Gaga is her imaginary friend. She asks to color with her, says Gaga is in her crib, and now they break lampshades together. Life with an imaginative child is never dull.
In further news, I have resigned myself to the fact that I probably won't have lamps with lampshades on them for quite some time.
I can't wait to see what Anna and Lady Gaga try to get away with next...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Almost a Year?!
Alright, I definitely didn't plan on waiting almost a year until I posted something new. Instead of catching you up on everything that has happened between now and then we'll just start from where we are now...
Baby #2!
Life is full of little surprises, and little Bobo is one of them. :) I'm due July 27th, and am truly amazed at how quickly things have gone. Anna is so funny, she refuses to acknowledge that anything is going on. She was snuggling me one day and her sister kicked her a few times...she looked SHOCKED, and started to smack back. It was like Whack-a-Mole. It's going to be a huge adjustment for her, she's used to being the princess. I've made sure she has had play dates with younger kids so she can adjust to dealing with people who are smaller than she is (she's HUGE) and she's doing much better. Fingers crossed it sticks two months from now!
The thought of having another child (especially after Hurricane Anna) was terrifying. It still kind of is. But, as a lovely lady at church was told when she was a young mother by a mother of 6, "gird up your loins, and fresh courage take, because there is nothing you can do about it." I decided, after hearing that, I just need to put on my big girl pants and do what I can to prepare because that's really all I can do. This kid is on her way whether we're ready or not.
The band!
Tim's band is in the studio again working on their second EP. The first was awesome and this one is shaping up to be even stronger. Their sound is evolving and it's exciting to see where it's taking them. This will be a busy summer show season for us, I'm sure.
School!
Yay for this school year being almost done! THANK GOODNESS. We thought it would never end. Tim made either Honor Roll or Dean's List every term, and was inducted in to Phi Theta Kappa (the community college honor society) a few months ago. That will be super helpful when he applies to U of O next year and tries to get in to their Architecture program. A couple of weekends ago we went to Eugene for a Ducks spring game and had a blast. We are beyond excited to move down there sometime next year and start a new chapter in our life. Eugene has a cool vibe and there seems to be plenty to do. Tim has never lived outside of Salem, so it will be an adjustment for him. I've had a very nomadic life, I've lived all over, and can be quite happy anywhere. It will be a fun adventure for us.
I'm planning on going back to school either fall or winter term (it really depends on Bobo and how quickly I can adjust to taking care of two kids under the age of 2 1/2)...FINALLY. I will probably start going half time and work my way up as the year progresses. I will officially declare my major as Pre-Nursing. No more wimping out or thinking that I need to do something else. I finally accepted the fact that nursing is what I'm supposed to do and that I CAN handle it.
Anna!
Look at this girl! She's practically an adult! It's amazing she can still fit in a box...and that she can pull off wearing a nightgown and tennis shoes. :) Little Miss is constantly surprising and entertaining us. She is scary smart and says the most unexpected things. She told me yesterday she's a rocker. Every day is her birthday. When Tim went to the store she asked him to pick up a doggy. We have her say prayer before us at bedtime every night and one night she said "Dear Heavenly Father, I see a ball. Amen." Her little sister's new name is Gollum Dot Com, and Chrissy's fiance is now Uncle Chicken. Some days it feels impossible to keep on top of everything she does, she's a force of nature, but she's completely fabulous.
Well, this looks like a long enough post. To sum it all up, we're as busy as ever...and we wouldn't have it any other way. Mostly because that's all we know.
PS - I'm kind of obsessed with this song right now. The video, not so much. Does this song remind anyone else of Oasis?
Baby #2!
Life is full of little surprises, and little Bobo is one of them. :) I'm due July 27th, and am truly amazed at how quickly things have gone. Anna is so funny, she refuses to acknowledge that anything is going on. She was snuggling me one day and her sister kicked her a few times...she looked SHOCKED, and started to smack back. It was like Whack-a-Mole. It's going to be a huge adjustment for her, she's used to being the princess. I've made sure she has had play dates with younger kids so she can adjust to dealing with people who are smaller than she is (she's HUGE) and she's doing much better. Fingers crossed it sticks two months from now!
The thought of having another child (especially after Hurricane Anna) was terrifying. It still kind of is. But, as a lovely lady at church was told when she was a young mother by a mother of 6, "gird up your loins, and fresh courage take, because there is nothing you can do about it." I decided, after hearing that, I just need to put on my big girl pants and do what I can to prepare because that's really all I can do. This kid is on her way whether we're ready or not.
The band!
Tim's band is in the studio again working on their second EP. The first was awesome and this one is shaping up to be even stronger. Their sound is evolving and it's exciting to see where it's taking them. This will be a busy summer show season for us, I'm sure.
School!
Yay for this school year being almost done! THANK GOODNESS. We thought it would never end. Tim made either Honor Roll or Dean's List every term, and was inducted in to Phi Theta Kappa (the community college honor society) a few months ago. That will be super helpful when he applies to U of O next year and tries to get in to their Architecture program. A couple of weekends ago we went to Eugene for a Ducks spring game and had a blast. We are beyond excited to move down there sometime next year and start a new chapter in our life. Eugene has a cool vibe and there seems to be plenty to do. Tim has never lived outside of Salem, so it will be an adjustment for him. I've had a very nomadic life, I've lived all over, and can be quite happy anywhere. It will be a fun adventure for us.
I'm planning on going back to school either fall or winter term (it really depends on Bobo and how quickly I can adjust to taking care of two kids under the age of 2 1/2)...FINALLY. I will probably start going half time and work my way up as the year progresses. I will officially declare my major as Pre-Nursing. No more wimping out or thinking that I need to do something else. I finally accepted the fact that nursing is what I'm supposed to do and that I CAN handle it.
Anna!
Look at this girl! She's practically an adult! It's amazing she can still fit in a box...and that she can pull off wearing a nightgown and tennis shoes. :) Little Miss is constantly surprising and entertaining us. She is scary smart and says the most unexpected things. She told me yesterday she's a rocker. Every day is her birthday. When Tim went to the store she asked him to pick up a doggy. We have her say prayer before us at bedtime every night and one night she said "Dear Heavenly Father, I see a ball. Amen." Her little sister's new name is Gollum Dot Com, and Chrissy's fiance is now Uncle Chicken. Some days it feels impossible to keep on top of everything she does, she's a force of nature, but she's completely fabulous.
Well, this looks like a long enough post. To sum it all up, we're as busy as ever...and we wouldn't have it any other way. Mostly because that's all we know.
PS - I'm kind of obsessed with this song right now. The video, not so much. Does this song remind anyone else of Oasis?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
July, July!
WOW! It has been such a busy two months. Here we were, looking forward to a relaxing summer...not even close. Don't get me wrong, we have had a great time, but we're almost as busy now as we were during the rest of the year. Here's what we've been up to...
Anna is keeping us on our toes. She is now running everywhere, climbing on everything, getting in to whatever she can get her hands on...and chatting at the top of her lungs. This one is a firecracker. She now says "bye-bye", she can identify most of her caregivers by their names (my siblings and Becca and Addy Curzon), she can almost say "diaper", she says "stop" when she's tired of something...she's amazing. She has been in 12 month clothing for a while. It's hard to believe that over 11 months ago she was in preemie clothing...she has since QUADRUPLED in weight. Incredible. One thing we appreciate about Anna is her ability to entertain herself. She walks around, plays with her toys, pretends to read and will stash things in her little corner in the kitchen. She also loves to drum with Daddy.
She will do something, scrunch her nose and start laughing. What a character! Here's what our "little" girl looks like now:
Speaking of drumming-- we have also been busy with Tim's band, Groove Thief. What I thought was just a fun opportunity for the guys to jam has turned in to a full-blown project. Summer concert season is upon us and the band is booking up faster than any of us expected. The band is in the studio and have laid down two tracks already. They are a part of a rock festival that has received some excellent press, including write-ups in the Statesman, Oregon Live!, and Salem Weekly as well as on-air promotion on KUFO. The band has also been played on KUFO to promote the concert...what an awesome experience! Anna loves being around the music--we take her to shows and she wears her little noise reducing headphones. I never thought I would be a band wife, or be someone who would hear her husband rock out on the radio. My life is far and away what I ever imagined it could be, and I love it!
Other than chasing Anna and rocking out, this summer has been one for re-arranging furniture, cleaning like crazy, and taking a few field trips. I'm on a new exercise regimen that has helped me lose inches in a matter of weeks. Sounds like an infomercial, but really I'm just working hard. My clothes are getting big, but I'm not quite at the point where most of my pre-baby clothes are starting to look right. I'll get there...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Time
Oh man, what a month! We have been way too busy to even remember what we've been doing. Tim will be done with school (until next September) next month, thank goodness. One year down, so many more to go... Tim made the Dean's List again last term. He plans on keeping that up, and make the President's List next year. I'm so proud of him and everything he is doing. All of that homework, work and music ventures make for precious little time together but we have this summer. We'll both still be working, but our evenings will be a little more free.
Anna is kicking the butt of every milestone she reaches, and a few beyond her age. She's amazing. She's taking a few steps at a time, clapping the whole way, then gets so excited that she loses her balance and falls. I think it would help her if she stopped walking and standing with her toes curled. She's talking so much now. She says "dada", "momma", "baba" (Tim's mom), "yeahyeah" (my mom), "papa" (Tim's stepdad), "dada (in a whisper)" (my dad), "dat" and "teetee" (cat), "lala" (hello), "Nana" (Anna), "dayday" (thank you), "yum"...I'm sure there are a few more. She blows us away every day. Poor Hemi, though. She thinks kitty brother is her toy. The other day she was bugging him and he raised a paw to her, she thought he was trying to give her a high-five and was very excited. I had to pull her away before he high-fived her face, claws first.
I've been setting some major goals for myself lately. I've been on a major self-sufficiency kick lately. I challenged myself to learn to bake from scratch, which I have been doing. Cupcakes have been in our home in abundance the last few weeks, and I made my first loaf of bread on Friday. Sewing is also on my list. I'm going to make pillowcases in Enrichment next week--I haven't sewn in years. My cousin also gave me the awesome idea of making cloth napkins to cut down on her disposable napkin and paper towel waster. I need some fabric and my mom's serger. This all feels very Holly Housewife, which kind of freaks me out, but I really do like doing this. I've also felt the need to completely clean my home. I got the impression that in order to better feel the Spirit in our home we need to create a better atmosphere for it.
ALSO, I signed up for my first triathlon. I'm not a runner, I don't own a bike and I can't swim, but I've been offered a lot of help. I want to start a team so we can relay it. I would happily take the bike portion if I had one, so I guess I'm stuck with running. It's something I've been meaning to do anyway. My weight loss has plateaued again and I'm struggling with that. I need something to kick my butt and get my metabolism back in gear. It's frustrating. This should help, though. 5 months of intensive training and watching what I eat. I can do this.
The last couple of months have been one minor disaster after another. For instance, we can't drive our car right now because the driver side window is broken. Awesome. Work is tough for us at present...and most of the time. Minor disasters and major disappointments aside, we're surviving. It's like Mother Theresa said, "God only tries those He loves the most. I just wish He didn't love me so much." Amen, sister, amen. :)
Here's hoping for a better summer!
Anna is kicking the butt of every milestone she reaches, and a few beyond her age. She's amazing. She's taking a few steps at a time, clapping the whole way, then gets so excited that she loses her balance and falls. I think it would help her if she stopped walking and standing with her toes curled. She's talking so much now. She says "dada", "momma", "baba" (Tim's mom), "yeahyeah" (my mom), "papa" (Tim's stepdad), "dada (in a whisper)" (my dad), "dat" and "teetee" (cat), "lala" (hello), "Nana" (Anna), "dayday" (thank you), "yum"...I'm sure there are a few more. She blows us away every day. Poor Hemi, though. She thinks kitty brother is her toy. The other day she was bugging him and he raised a paw to her, she thought he was trying to give her a high-five and was very excited. I had to pull her away before he high-fived her face, claws first.
I've been setting some major goals for myself lately. I've been on a major self-sufficiency kick lately. I challenged myself to learn to bake from scratch, which I have been doing. Cupcakes have been in our home in abundance the last few weeks, and I made my first loaf of bread on Friday. Sewing is also on my list. I'm going to make pillowcases in Enrichment next week--I haven't sewn in years. My cousin also gave me the awesome idea of making cloth napkins to cut down on her disposable napkin and paper towel waster. I need some fabric and my mom's serger. This all feels very Holly Housewife, which kind of freaks me out, but I really do like doing this. I've also felt the need to completely clean my home. I got the impression that in order to better feel the Spirit in our home we need to create a better atmosphere for it.
ALSO, I signed up for my first triathlon. I'm not a runner, I don't own a bike and I can't swim, but I've been offered a lot of help. I want to start a team so we can relay it. I would happily take the bike portion if I had one, so I guess I'm stuck with running. It's something I've been meaning to do anyway. My weight loss has plateaued again and I'm struggling with that. I need something to kick my butt and get my metabolism back in gear. It's frustrating. This should help, though. 5 months of intensive training and watching what I eat. I can do this.
The last couple of months have been one minor disaster after another. For instance, we can't drive our car right now because the driver side window is broken. Awesome. Work is tough for us at present...and most of the time. Minor disasters and major disappointments aside, we're surviving. It's like Mother Theresa said, "God only tries those He loves the most. I just wish He didn't love me so much." Amen, sister, amen. :)
Here's hoping for a better summer!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Good Day, Sunshine
Today I was talking to a co-worker who said our boss asked someone in an interview what makes them happy, and the girl they were interviewing couldn't think of anything (maybe she couldn't think of anything "interview-y" enough). That is an interesting question. What make me happy? I put some thought in to it and while some of these things sound silly or simple, they truly do bring me joy.
Happy things:
*Anna's silliness
*Sun on my day off
*Sprinkles on just about anything
*A good yoga workout
*The beach
*When Tim brings me flowers and I don't expect it
*Realizing I'm making progress on something
*An ice cream cone in the summer -- especially from the Fruit Stand
*A good book
*That feeling you get when you finally lie down in bed after a long day
*Anything with curry (including chocolate)
*Watching people sing in the car
*Singing in the car
*A great concert (at the moment "Starlight" by Muse is playing and bringing back some great memories)
*Songs that bring back happy memories or remind you of what's going on in your life
*Roadtrips (planned and unplanned)
*Trying something new and loving it
* http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com
Also, I rediscovered this song and it made me happy. I kind of love it more live.:
Silverchair straight lines
Uploaded by benjam-s. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
This hasn't been a good week in the least, but truly thinking about what does make me happy and realizing that I need to put on my big girl panties and get over my hang ups seems to be helping. Now if I could just get a nap...
Now I pose the quetsion to you, my friends, what makes you happy?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Fresh and Clean!
One thing I love about spring is that everything feels fresh. Fresh air, fresh flowers, fresh start... And as much as I dislike it, spring cleaning is a big part of that as well. This may sound silly, but I love the feeling of a clean house. No, I haven't gone all Hannah Housewife. With the help of my wonderful brothers my kitchen, living room and bathroom are all clean and I'm caught up on our laundry. It was a long time coming, but at last our home is presentable again. As much as I may resent spring cleaning, it makes such a difference.
I have decided I need to take time off from school again. School, work and a baby is not the best combination in the world. It also makes a difference in that my grades caused me to not qualify for financial aid this term. That sort of sealed the deal for me. Those grades hurt my school nerd soul. They were the worst in my academic career and they made me want to cry. Last term I had to choose between spending time with Anna or having people watch her for even longer during the day so I could do homework. Under normal circumstances I could have handled that courseload and a job, but I have a new "normal" now. As sad as I am to not be able to continue my education until probably some time next school year (with luck), I am relieved in that I can spend time with my pumpkin with out feeling homework hanging over my head.
Also, again with the Hannah Housewife stuff, I have decided to take up baking and sewing. For years I have fought against the so-called "LDS housewife" stereotype and have resisted trying anything like scrapbooking (I still can't get in to that, but it's out of a lack of patience and an inability to cut in a straight line), baking, sewing, enjoying decorating my home...things like that. Call it the tomboy in me, I have always had a hard time with those things. This Christmas I started baking...a lot, and I started hand sewing again and even MADE Christmas gifts! Could it be that I've discovered my domestic side after almost two years of marriage?! Maybe. I've decided to make it my mission to make cooking, baking and even sewing cool. I love unique things, so if I sew something it's because I want an original and customized piece of clothing. Yeah, that's it...
I have decided I need to take time off from school again. School, work and a baby is not the best combination in the world. It also makes a difference in that my grades caused me to not qualify for financial aid this term. That sort of sealed the deal for me. Those grades hurt my school nerd soul. They were the worst in my academic career and they made me want to cry. Last term I had to choose between spending time with Anna or having people watch her for even longer during the day so I could do homework. Under normal circumstances I could have handled that courseload and a job, but I have a new "normal" now. As sad as I am to not be able to continue my education until probably some time next school year (with luck), I am relieved in that I can spend time with my pumpkin with out feeling homework hanging over my head.
Also, again with the Hannah Housewife stuff, I have decided to take up baking and sewing. For years I have fought against the so-called "LDS housewife" stereotype and have resisted trying anything like scrapbooking (I still can't get in to that, but it's out of a lack of patience and an inability to cut in a straight line), baking, sewing, enjoying decorating my home...things like that. Call it the tomboy in me, I have always had a hard time with those things. This Christmas I started baking...a lot, and I started hand sewing again and even MADE Christmas gifts! Could it be that I've discovered my domestic side after almost two years of marriage?! Maybe. I've decided to make it my mission to make cooking, baking and even sewing cool. I love unique things, so if I sew something it's because I want an original and customized piece of clothing. Yeah, that's it...
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